


Falling

by streetlightsky



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Haiku, Nightmares, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 12:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1387780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/streetlightsky/pseuds/streetlightsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>What she doesn't know</i>
  <br/>
  <i>is that he has nightmares too</i>
  <br/>
  <i>of not being there.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Lies. I forgot about this little gem that I had written (by hand!) a while back. There was a single scene/moment I wanted to see these characters in, but couldn't produce properly, so this came to be instead. Written in the syllabic format of haikus because I can.
> 
> Characters and general universe don't belong to me. Errors, grammatical or factual, intended or not, do belong to me.

What she doesn’t know  
is that he has nightmares too  
of not being there.

His screams are silent  
as she continues to fall  
through an endless hole. 

Sometimes he’s too late.  
He can’t find her in the skies,  
not a single trace –

no waft of her scent,  
no helpless cry of close death,  
no floating hair strand.

Or when he gets there,  
she’s not falling, but rising,  
still in the calm lull –

no breath in her lungs,  
no life in her limbs or breast,  
just a pale blue light. 

Then his eyes open  
and he gulps for precious air  
hoping she’s alive.

Morning gives him peace  
with her reassuring face  
smiling up at them

so he can exhale  
and live another day like  
these dreams don’t matter.

But nights are not kind.  
Darkness betrays his control –  
a fight he will lose.

It mocks his training.  
It tests his abilities.  
It makes him panic.

Things do get stranger.  
He sees black holes and red clouds  
and sometimes just gray.

Creatures with three legs,  
ghosts who won’t stop tormenting,  
assassins abound.

It makes him crazy –  
all the situations he  
has to fight and solve. 

But one part remains:  
the urgent need to save her  
every single time.

No matter the place,  
no matter the circumstance,  
no matter the odds,

he can’t let her down –  
not when he’s the only one  
stuck in this mess too.

They find themselves trapped  
in a place where nothing makes  
sense except themselves.

Both know the danger,  
the imminent lurking spite  
ready to take lives.

And in there, they face  
not just each other, but their  
troubled demons too.

Grant knows his weakness.  
It isn’t dying like this –  
not using his strengths

to combat his foes  
or giving up or giving  
in to them; it’s her.

It’s watching Jemma  
being subjected to this  
unreasonably;

it’s knowing that she  
doesn’t belong in this state  
of filth and peril.

Ropes bind their hands tight –  
prevent him from reaching out  
and comforting her.

She’s brave, but not strong  
and when she dawns on the truth,  
tears slip down her cheeks.

That is what breaks him –  
the sight of her failing faith.  
He can’t handle it.

“Simmons, look at me.”  
He needs her to know something:  
she isn’t alone.

“Simmons. Hey! Simmons!”  
But she refuses to meet  
his now pressing gaze.

He knows why she won’t.  
He’s the one that makes this real –  
like she does for him.

And admitting that  
means facing certain endings  
neither can survive.

Yet still, Grant persists  
because even if he dies,  
he will die trying.

“Jemma,” he then says.  
At that, her frayed face looks up  
and they both realize:

it’s the two of them –  
not Simmons and Agent Ward,  
but Jemma and Grant.

“Hey, listen to me.  
I’m going to get you out  
of here, do you hear?

I’m going to get  
you out. No one is going  
to hurt you, okay?

I’m not going to  
let anyone hurt you, do  
you hear me, Jemma?

Everything will be  
all right, okay? Everything’s  
going to be fine.

They’re not going to  
hurt you. I promise, okay?  
You’re gonna be fine.”

But the honest truth?  
He can’t guarantee her that –  
her life, her safety.

Regardless, he’ll try,  
give his damn best to make good  
and do as he said

‘cause after his words,  
she nods and smiles sadly  
and she says “I know.”

And Grant thinks, for once,  
maybe she does understand  
and just possibly, 

in some kind of way,  
she has mutual feelings  
reciprocating

the ones he harbors  
so secretly inside of  
him that it does hurt

in ways no one else  
could imagine because they  
don’t know who he is

and what he’s been through  
and how he keeps falling and  
falling and falling…

And then her neck snaps.

His eyes stare in pure horror.

Just like that, she’s gone.

Forever ingrained  
in his mind now is that sound  
that keeps echoing –

a dark, torturing  
reminder that the one job  
he promised, he failed.

Flashing before him  
is the haunting sight of her  
form turning lifeless.

Again and again,  
it plays on a repeating  
loop that keeps killing.

The room is silent  
for a second of calmness  
before the great storm.

Time comes to a pause.  
The universe slowly halts  
to a fatal stop.

Then he breathes in rage,  
fueled from the Berserker staff,  
and he just lets go.

There is no mistake:  
this is his worst memory;  
this is his dark place

even if it’s just  
a reoccurring nightmare  
he soon bolts out of.

With terror rising,  
he makes it all the way to  
her wide open door.

And in that moment,  
he doesn’t know the difference  
between dreams and life.

But then she walks by  
with her beautiful morning  
chipper Brit accent,

which brings him back to  
his standard identity  
as an enigma.

She doesn’t suspect  
anything and why would she?  
It’s not her problem.

If things go his way,  
she will remain blissfully  
ignorant of this –

another secret,  
another burden Grant is  
willing to carry.

Those things weigh him down.  
They keep him grounded against  
opposite forces.

Sacrifices tell  
him what is most important,  
what his true role is

and that is to keep  
close and protect the most prized  
and vulnerable

feelings and person  
he values more than his own  
insignificance

in this single world  
where existence is measured  
not by the things one

has or deeds one does,  
but by the persistence one  
shows to prove his love.


End file.
